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Intentions of the Parent Who Bullies

Kids can only learn what they live. Angry parents = angry children. The way we treat them, the way we talk to them. It’s the inner voice they know and will remember for a lifetime. Scary to think about, but the reality now can affect their entire future.

I always wondered if the parents who are the abusers love their children any less? Sounds crazy to think, but really, you have to wonder what is going through the mind of a mother or father who chooses to bring a child into this world and then hurt them. Knowing that the odds are if they came from a broken home, or were bullied themselves, what is the likelihood that they’ll be able to love another human being, or even know how to love for that matter? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not offending any abuser. It’s just that I can’t help but think about the INTENTION. The intention to inflict pain.

I know parents lose their tempers, get impatient, and have a ton of pressures on them in raising kids. But what is it exactly about the intention of hurting? What is it that drives them to abuse the ones they love? Emotionally, physically, or even sexually? I get sick thinking about the repercussions of what these poor children have to sustain. For a second. A minute. Hours. Days. Years. Parents may not intend to hurt their own children. It could be anything that sets them off. They may suffer internally. But in the end, the innocence of the child is lost and he/she suffers the most.

Financial stress, job stress, marital stress, mental instability, lack of self-control, drugs, alcohol, or just the normal every day stressors of being a parent can take a toll on any parent. There are days when I’m stressed out of my mind, but it doesn’t mean I’m any less of a parent to my children. I could stress over stupid stuff, like having to do 5 loads of laundry. Or, it could be stress over having to pay the monthly bills. Do I get angry? Absolutely. Do I have a temper? Absolutely. Do I lose patience? Absolutely. But I’ve learned that I’m at a disadvantage if I can’t be honest with my kids. The last thing I want is for me to take out my frustrations on them. I’m not superhuman. I can’t bite off more than I can chew. And they know it. They sense it. They’re smart and sensitive to the life around them. Motherhood is tough. Good days are the absolute best. And bad days just suck.

So how does a parent hold it together in front of his/her child when life happens? Shit happens. There’s no logical thought process in the midst of insanity, in the midst of feeling like you just can’t keep your emotions under control. What is it about the INTENTION of inflicting suffering on another being? And what about when that “being” happens to be your child?

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