Is the uncoachable kid also the blamer?
I’m sure many of you know at least one kid in a bunch like this… the finger pointer, the child who is quick to blame others for mistakes or when “called out” on something. Specifically, the “uncoachable” child who blames his/her own teammates, opposing team, coaches, the field, or even the crowd when things go wrong. Yep, it’s this same kid who becomes incredibly defensive when the coach is giving constructive criticism. Even if the child remains cool and calm or doesn’t argue outright, it’s absolutely a tell tale sign through body language that he/she thinks the coach is wrong. The giveaway is the facial expressions, posture, or even the slight tone in his/her voice that tells it all. This is a perfectly good example of what is going on inside the blamer’s mind. Somehow because the behavior did not match the results he/she was looking to achieve makes that same child believe that it’s everybody else’s fault. While it’s not fair to say that all blamers have a personality disorder, it often appears that they fall somewhere on that spectrum. Mostly, it’s just plain old being selfish and easier to point the finger at someone else.
Of course, the last thing I would want to do is get into any psychology jargon, but seriously, this defect of the “uncoachable” kids translates into other aspects and activities in their life. Never mind being on the field or court, what about in school and being surrounded daily by teachers and peers? Does this same child blame the teacher for not teaching the lesson well when a bad grade is received? Or, are friends accused of creating the conflict or drama? You bet! Blamers display a consistent pattern. It’s the “all about me” pattern. Not because they are "all that", but because they actually believe they are. Very similar to the “it’s not my fault” syndrome. Any conflict that arises where fault is directed their way, they immediately deflect it onto others so they can feel better about their own behavior.
Oh, and parents of athletes are not off the hook either. These are the same parents who talk to their child after a game or a poor play, and say ‘’ Look, I know you messed up because of so and so.” Or “ that was totally a bad toss/throw that so and so made and that’s what screwed your game up.” Those are the moments you think to yourself, "really what service is that parent doing to their own child?" They're basically creating their own uncoachable athletes and negative path for their own kid. Friendships and skill building for future employment will undoubtedly take a downward spiral. The parent and role model for that same child who often blames others is most probably blaming his/her spouse for many things as well! Hmmm. Not a new concept people.
There’s no rocket science about helping your son/daughter with all the teachable moments and life lessons………Try teaching instead of blaming and making excuses.